It was recommended that I start my OWN troupe, rather than deal with the drama between the two local troupes that want me. This is seriously creeping into my head, and I am all filled with butterflies about it. I've been brainstorming all day, writing things that come to mind...writing my vision. I need to gather people to me, who have the same vision. This will be the difficult part, I think. I think it is best to simply start out as a student troupe, and as the months and years pass, we will evolve into the professional troupe I envision. As a Capricorn, I have no trouble seeing the big picture...if anything, its seeing the small details along the way to the big picture that sometimes throw me. I need to really focus myself, and concentrate my efforts into this, which won't be easy, but nothing good ever is, right? :) Now...where to start..........
I am weaning myself away from you, and I know that you can feel it happening. I am trying my best to do it in a way thats not hurtful to you, because I never want to hurt you. You have become unhealthy for me to be around, and I never leave your presence feeling better about myself. I think the meaning of true friendship, is exactly that...when you leave each others presence, you feel built up and happy. When I leave your presence, I want to fill my body with sugars and fats, just to try to feel good, which always backfires. My wish is that you are able to let go of your own insecurities, and find a better life for yourself and your family. Heal from your childhood, and your past mistakes. Move on from them, and stop living in them every day. Become the wonderful person your childhood robbed from you. I just can't help you any more.
its so hard sometimes...you meet some new people, and hear something from them about another set of people...only to run into other people and find that they are really nice. It just makes me wonder who's the real..."bad guy" in this situation. I barely know either party, and yet both seem honest enough...its just scary now, to trust either. This is why I fucking DESPISE gossip.
Im tired of being fat. I hate the idea of giving upmy eating habits, because lets be honest...I adore food. Unfortunately, my tastebuds never tell me "ok,its time to quit now, thats awfully rich". I can just eat and eat and eat. I just want to get healthy. I dont need to be skinny. I dont even mind being plump...Im just tired of being so fat.
...is a dance partner who is as committed as I am to learning the dance. Someone who wants to practice together several times per week. Someone who feels it in her soul like I do. and while we're at it, how about someone who LIKES my perfume. *sigh*
The Circle was amazing. I will go every quarter from now on. At one point, we had a ritualistic letting go of sorts, in which we wrote down something we were really ready to let go of on a corn husk, and then burnt it in the cauldron. It felt so good to let this thing go. In a nutchell, I had a friendwhom, for a very short time was a very special friend. We had alot of good fun together, and I had hoped that would last forever, but circumstances didn't allow for that, and we have drifted apart in many ways. I have been chasing her around for the last year, trying to make a friendship work that just isn't gonna work. It was nice to really realize this, and let it go. I hold no hostility towards her at this point, and I don't even feel remotely hurt over the situation, which I did for a long time. I really feel like this has been an amazing healing experience, and I'm excited to move on. :)
I'm Lady A. This is a secure, personal journal of my life. I will remain anonymous always as this is a secret journal for my venting and observances. This journal will remain (mostly) public, as It feels good to say things that might not be said openly in the company of friends or acquaintances. Judge me, read me, add me, love me. its your perogative. This journey will be nothing less than totally honest...even if it is secret.